This is our tribute to Dad we read out at his funeral on 28th July.
Preparing this tribute has proved to be good therapy, as it has been a reminder of all the fun times we have had together. Some of you might be wondering why the order of service says Ron and not Ronald. There is a reason for that, dad never liked being called Ronald or Ronnie. In fact, he should have been called Roland but there was a slight mix up when his dad went to register his birth after a visit to the pub.
Our dad was simply the best. You only ever have one dad, and we could not have chosen a better one. He let us find our own way in life but would guide us whenever we needed it. We have so much in common with our dad. We have always been called three peas in a pod, or as mum would say – ‘house full of men’. Anyone who knows us well will see the similarities. He was not just our dad but also our best mate. Whenever we had anything to share, we loved to share it with him.
Dad was a hard-working professional, a “no-nonsense” practitioner who spoke his mind, while working with efficiency and reliability, which in turn he expected from others.
He was a perfectionist. Cross him if you dare, although he always had a sense of fun.
Some of our fondest memories are of when we were young, spending time with dad in his office or on the building site. We travelled around the country, sharing jokes with his colleague and best mate Roger Tugwood. Jason was always on the other end of the tape measure. It’s where my creative journey started and Jason’s passion for building began. Spending time with our dad made us realize what a determined and driven man he was.
Dad was always generous towards his family, with his time and financially.
There isn’t a person dad would not help or give up his time for, and he helped many friends and family members with building or legal-related issues. Dad’s best skill was as a teacher, sharing his expansive knowledge both in his professional career and as a father and grandfather. He had a very intelligent and active brain. Dad taught us how
to ride a bike and kick a ball, and gave us the strength and courage to never give up.
To be a strong character, do not suffer fools, but best of all his colourful language.
When we were young dad was a cub-scout leader, along with our mum, and we remember many fun cub camps. This led to my dad starting a football team called Wickford Dynamos, which is still going strong today. Dad was a very skillful footballer
in his day, playing rightback. We can remember watching dad play with his best mate Roger Tugwood. Loosing Roger last year really rocked our dad.
What we shared the most with our father is our love of football. Dad never missed watching us play. He would have very high expectations, again second best was never an option. Jason was like my dad as a player, a hard-as-nails defender with dad turning a blind eye whenever Jason kicked them in the air. He loved watching me fly down the wing. Even though we were not the best players in the team, in his eyes we were. My brother and I fondly remember trips to watch Southend United and Spurs play.
Well, I did, as Jason was a Liverpool fan.
Myself and dad shared the love of Hatfield Peverel Football Club and worked tirelessly together to build its new facilities, even during his chemotherapy treatment.
It’s fitting that the clubhouse is named in his honour and even more fitting that he passed away on the club’s annual presentation day.
I know dad meant the world to his grandchildren. He never missed watching his grandchildren play football. All the grandchildren have the same determination and hard-work ethic as their grandad and he was proud of every single one of them.
Dad was very fond of his third son, as he would call him, his nephew Trevor Wilkinson. Not a week passed without them talking on the phone. They had a saying - ‘up winkles’.
Dad was very close to our grandmother Peggy, they had a very special bond. His priority was making sure she was looked after, especially after our grandad passed away. He first built a granny annex on his own house and then provided for her in her current care home. As mum would joke, ‘she always thought more of him than me’.
Anyone who knows my dad has probably shared his wit and sense of humour, which I am glad to say never left him, even at the end. We shared some laughs and tears in the hospital. After being resuscitated by a young female doctor, he joked ‘just my luck, a lovely young female doctor sitting on my chest giving me CPR and I was too sodding ill to enjoy it’. He also joked to the young nurses that they have seen more of his nether regions than my mum. The biggest laugh we had was when dad’s nephew, Trevor Wilkinson, who is training to be an undertaker, came to visit my dad. He said in front of the whole ward,
‘Hello uncle Ron I have come to measure you up’.
At times dad had a funny dress sense, as once when getting dressed in the dark, mum pointed out that he had put on her knickers. He went out for a meeting when mum noticed he had odd shoes on. There was also a time when he once mistakenly took some of mum’s hormone tablets. But best of all was dad’s colourful language.
Dad liked the simple things in life. He was happier at North Weald market than designer outlets; in a caravan than a plane; sitting in his garden than a restaurant.
Dad’s only luxuries were his antiques and his clocks; he always said ‘they were a good investment for you boys’. Not sure what we are going to do with 20 grandfather clocks
but I guess we won’t be late.
Behind every good man there is always a good woman. My mum has been my dad’s rock, with him every step of the way. Putting up with his ways. Mum was a tower of strength during dad’s fight with Lymphoma, always keeping positive and always strong. It was a massive challenge for both of them but they faced it together. He may occasionally have given mum a hard time, but there is no one more he wanted by his side. They did everything together. There were never apart.
In our family I always hear the saying ‘he’s a Hayden’. I heard this many times in the hospital from his brothers and sisters. This got us reflecting on what Hayden really means, for my dad we think it means the following:
H: Hard working
A: Active and astute
Y: Yes, never no
D: Determination
E: Excellence, second best never an option
N: Never give up.
Our cycling team, ‘Team Lymphoma’, will live on in dad’s memory and we will fight even harder to raise awareness for Lymphoma.
I would like to thank dad’s cancer team. Jo Kellaway is the most amazing, caring human being you could ever wish to meet. Jason and myself would also like to thank our wives for the endless support they have given mum and ourselves over these very difficult few months and years.
We would also like to thank our close family and friends who have given us a shoulder to lean on and for helping with the arrangements for today. You know who you are.
And finally, we were so glad to get a chance to say goodbye to dad at the very end.
We promised him we will look after mum and we will. He would not want us to be sad.
He would like us to be positive and carry on, and not dwell on the past – he never did.
The last thing he said to me was ‘don’t worry’, so I will try not to.
Aaron
29th July 2015